


a wicked gale I am my darling

by alilyinhighgarden



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Dean isn't in this fic but his presence is felt, Established Finn/Seth, Finn calls Seth on not having his back, Heavy on the angst, Kayfabe Complaint, M/M, Post-RAW 11/26/18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 02:59:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16823770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alilyinhighgarden/pseuds/alilyinhighgarden
Summary: “Where were you tonight, huh?”He knew he had screwed up. He realized it when the show was ending and he finally took a glance at the monitor. It was then he was met with a sight that made his stomach drop- Finn laying on the ground while the people he had been battling against for weeks all stood in front of him looking smug.He rubbed at the back of his neck, unable to bring himself to look Finn in the eyes as he answered, “I- uh- I was preoccupied.”





	a wicked gale I am my darling

“Where were you tonight,” Finn demanded as soon as he stepped into the locker room. The unconcealed anger in his question punctuated as he grabbed his backpack, and instead of retrieving necessary items out of it he instead threw it against the closest lockers. Seth flinched. “Huh?” 

He knew he had screwed up. He realized it when the show was ending and he finally took a glance at the monitor. It was then he was met with a sight that made his stomach drop- Finn laying on the ground while the people he had been battling against for weeks all stood in front of him looking smug.

He rubbed at the back of his neck, unable to bring himself to look Finn in the eyes as he answered, “I- uh- I was preoccupied.”

“Preoccupied with what?” The words were as sharp as the line of Finn’s shoulders, squared up like he was ready to prove himself in a fight tonight, even if it was against Seth. “You already had your match. After the way the show started you didn’t think to keep an eye on mine.”

“I didn’t watch the start.” In truth Seth had not watched any of the show. Most of the night he had spent wandering into isolated areas of the arena trying to focus. That was why he had decided to do an open challenge in the first place. To force himself to think about something other than Dean fucking Ambrose. Surely the threat of losing his title could get the man out of his head for a few hours. But of course, before he could go out and issue the challenge Dean’s voice would call to him like he was the pied piper and Seth was nothing but a rat. Talking of his sins, of his soul. Putting words to thoughts that Seth had fought hard to bury, though they always remained there in a shallow grave ready to be unearthed with a few choice words. And Dean knew exactly where to break ground.

“You didn’t see the start of the show! Christ Seth.” Finn began to pace back and forth, one hand resting on his hip while the other ran through his hair. “You don’t even realize what’s happening do you? Everything is falling into chaos and you are too preoccupied in your personal drama to see it!”

“Hey, I literally had my world fucking crumble ar-“

“Your world,” Finn screamed before the sentence could even be completed, “I’m supposed to be a pretty damn important part of your world but you don’t even know what’s going on with me. Not lately.”

There it was, the shift as the ground beneath his feet began to shake once again. Lately he had felt like he had been set on a fucked up merry-go-round. The only thing that had not been a dizzying blur was Finn. The center. The constant. But it seemed he had found a way to send that center-point spinning. He had been distracted. Allowed himself to grow complacent when it came to their relationship, trusting that it would still be there when he had the time to focus on it. Now, it seemed, that may not be true. They might be solid enough to weather the ride. 

He needed to speak. Say  _ something _ to let Finn know that he was wrong. That he  _ was _ important to Seth. But all he could manage was a feeble, “Finn, no. It’s not-” He did not blame Finn for continuing to speak as if the pathetic attempt had never been uttered.

“I’ve ignored a lot since this summer.  _ Accepted _ a lot.” Finn stopped his pacing and faced him head on. “But I  _ needed  _ you tonight.” He grimaced as if the words had grown nails and clawed their way out without his permission. “I don’t say that often but yeah, when I was out there playing Baron’s game and losing, getting blindsided by his new pals, I needed you to come down there. Have my back. And you weren’t even paying attention!”

Words. Seth needed to form words but all he could think of were apologies and what good would they do? ‘I’m sorry’ never seemed to do more than serve as a temporary relief. Like taking Tylenol to ease the pain of a bruised bone.

“You know what makes this worse?” Apparently Finn was willing to do the talking if Seth would not. Which, the fact that he had enough rolling around in his head for a one-man argument was the initial blow in a series of emotional punches. The sadness and resignation that clouded his bright eyes served as the second. “If it were a month and a half ago and Dean or Roman were the ones in my position, I KNOW you would have been down there in a minute. But me… Where the hell were you? Not even watching. I thought I ranked as someone you’d stick your neck out for but maybe-“

Seth found himself paralyzed in the reality of how his actions read, because Finn was right. Not about all of it, but about enough of it that he found himself struggling to mount a defense. “I know,” he sighed, “I haven’t been paying attention to anything outside of what’s going on with me. I- just- let me get to TLC. Get past this stuff with Ambrose.”

The laugh that Finn let out was dry and joyless and made Seth wince. “You’re more concerned about what’s going on with your ex-boyfriend tha-“

“He’s not just an ex-boyfriend.” It was not the point that Finn was trying to make but the distinction felt important in Seth’s mind. This was not just his attention being diverted by an old flame but rather by a building block of the person he was today. A version of himself who, up until a few weeks ago, he had grown to like.

“And that’s part of the problem, isn’t it.” His shoulders slumped and he looked defeated. Frequently Finn was able to seem much larger than his stature but in that moment the truth of everything he was feeling and facing seemed to compress him down. Seth hated it. Hated that he was a part of that squeeze. “Dean isn’t just one thing to you. He isn’t something you can easily file away and put in the past. How am I supposed to compete with that?”

“It’s not a competition,” he rushed out in a desperate breathe.

“That’s good for me, isn’t it,” Finn nodded, “because I’m pretty sure I’d lose.”

Those words combined with the look of defeat felt like a swift kick to the gut. Verbal proof of Seth’s critical error with him. He loved him and he was failing him.

Finn was right. Of course Finn was right. Seth knew that The Shield had taken a front seat as soon as Dean returned. He had worked so hard to get back to the home that their brotherhood provided and so the prospect of it finally being happy and whole was exciting.

But, if he was honest with himself, the more pressing problem was that Seth never knew how to take things with Dean in half measure. In whatever form when you put Rollins and Ambrose in an equation together Seth found himself all in: mind, body, and soul. Even when he fought like hell not to be. This go around he  _ tried _ to save a bit of each for Finn. Spending nights, after being broken and bruised, curled up in bed beside him. Making too many coffee stops as they traveled from show to show. Conversations in the car as the highway passed by. But in truth his mind was on the turmoil that he and his boys found themselves in week after week. He had kept talking but stopped really listening. Maybe from the moment Dean’s plane had touched down in Greensboro Seth had been reserving less and less of himself for the man in front of him without realizing it.

Seth sat on the nearby bench and dropped his head in his hands. “This hasn’t been fair to you.”

“You’re right. It hasn’t,” Finn said as he sunk down beside him.

A glance to his right revealed him staring straight at Seth. Waiting for more. Deserving more. More than Seth was giving him in this moment. More than he had been offering for months. “I should have had your back tonight.”

“Right again. Care to try for a third?”

Seth took in a deep breathe in and on the exhale, “I’m sorry.”

“Seth, since SummerSlam this, all of this, has felt like a living hell.” It sounded like a shameful confession Finn loathed to make. Like admitting that the months of hardship wearing on him was personal failing on his part. And Seth had not been paying attention. Had not seen it.

Roman had gone home and after- it felt like Dean had broken open Seth’s chest and tried to rip out the parts of him that still held hope. Neither of those were choices Seth had any say in. If he lost Finn  _ that _ would be on him. He would be officially alone and know that the reason for it was his own self-centeredness. His inability to allow anything but The Shield to matter. It was a bad default that was another side-effect of swinging that chair those years ago. Because the last time he let something take precedence over the brotherhood he made the biggest mistake of his life. Sold his soul and had to spend almost a year of his life scratching and brawling to get it back.  _ There is no medicine for you that can cure the sickness in your soul _ . Maybe Dean was right and these last few years he had been chasing a cure that turned out to be snake oil.

And yet- here he was with a man who, despite his own darkness, was choosing to live for light. And shouldn’t that matter? Not just your past actions but the ones you wake up everyday and specifically make. Seth had been trying to make good choices. Obviously he was a frequent failure but damn if he did not try. Moving forward he could make Finn the main priority. He had to.

“I- Fuck. I dunno- I- in my head you became this… this constant. That no matter what was happening I knew at the end of the night I could crawl into bed beside you and all of this would feel a little less chaotic. I guess, somewhere along the way, that turned from consistency to complacency. I got so focused on my own shit I forgot to pay attention to yours.”

“I know you’ve had a lot going on but,” Finn titled his head to catch Seth’s gaze, every angle of his face seemed to scream how fed up he was, how much his faith had been shaken, how tired he was. “I’d like to know you’re gonna be there when I need you. I need to know I matter.”

Seth nodded. “Just a few more weeks and you’ll get all my attention. By Mid-December this’ll be over.”

There was an emotion that sprinted over Finn’s features and came to rest in his eyes. It made Seth’s stomach flip, and not in the happy ways he usually felt when it came to Finn. Before he could analyze that emotion any more Finn turned away and spoke, “Will it?”

In those two words Seth could feel the well earned blows of doubt. And he could not blame him. Seth had never done anything to show Finn, or if he was being honest, himself, that things could ever be done with Dean on a quick timetable. All-consuming. No half measures. He could make no assurances and that was to be added to the list of things for which he was gravely sorry.

So he answered in the only way that felt like the truth.

“I hope so.”

**Author's Note:**

> I was not sure if I wanted to write this from Seth or Finn's POV but decided to do Seth's since that's where I'm more comfortable. But both sides have intriguing things to explore here. Poor Finn. 
> 
> Title from "Capsized" by You+Me.


End file.
